so you want to know about my friday night do you?
well then gather round people and i will tell you a tale . . .

now before i should go any further with this you need to know a little bit about my weekend job (yes i am so great that i have 2 jobs)

on a friday and saturday night whilst you are sleeping or partying or whatever there an elite team of people moving all over Dundee's dark streets,

these people have to face the worst that a sleeping city may offer, and amongst these specialist people, or 'night runners' (as we are sometimes known) there is 1 who is the best, the fastest and most cool, known amongst the night runners as KOR, or King Of the Road.

that happens to be me.

anyway KOR is so great that whilst all the other night runners have to remain at base untill called upon KOR is free to cruise his roads, but with such power comes great responsibility, in this case that means that KOR must be able to reach anypoint in Dundee within 10 minutes of his phone ringing (from 5pm onwards)

so it was a bit of a conundrum for me when, at 515pm, i was trapped!

let me digress further, to be KOR and remain with this power, you have to have the best car of all the night runners, and the car must be in top condition, as to break down could have monsterous consequences.

so at 430pm i was entering the last stages of upgrading to the mighty lion (my car), this final stage of upgrade meant running a wire from one part of the car to the other (behind the dashboard).

now thats all fine and well, except for a plastic sheet which the wire has to pass through, so naturally a hole in the plastic was required.

now there are many ways to put a hole into a piece of plastic, you can drill it, burn it, snip it etc etc.

i decided that the 'cut with knife and widen with finger' technique was best in this instance, so i cut the plastic, which was easy, and i then started to force me finger through this tiny cut, it was quite a struggle, but finally 'POP' my finger was through! i started to pulol my hand back out of the awkward small opening through which i had it, it was completely stuck.

now to explain, there are several ways in which one may find themselves with an appendage trapped somewhere, there is the old 'head in fence', the 'foot in drain', and of course the 'hand in jar' all of which pale in comparison to just how stuck i was!

to paint a picture for you - imagine the dashboard of a car, any car, now think of the airvent where the hot/cold air comes from, now imagine you have a big 'manhand' in one of these tiny vents all the way up to the thumb, and that the middle manfinger of this manhand is stuck in a ring of razor sharp plastic about half the diameter of this finger.

excruciating!

so there i was, king of the road amongst the all mighty night runners, trapped! in my own car! and it was now 435pm, 5pm was drawing nearer.

at 445pm i was beggining to panic, i had tried cutting more of the plastic but kept jagging my finger as i couldnt see and cut at the same time, i also had an aching back from being twisted round in an awkward position.

thoughts of calling the fire brigade crossed my mind, but i would rather lose my finger than let someone chop up my lion!

finally i saw the neighbours son draw up in his car, stretching myself enough to get my head out the passenger door i shouted him over, "great" i thought, "and he has a fiend with him"

so it was that from around 450pm to 510pm these 2 young guys ran in and out of my house for me, grabbing various tools and trying various tricks to free my finger, all to no avail.

by this time i knew that my phone might ring at any moment, and i had lost all feeling in that finger i thought "enough!" and tried the only other thing i could think of, fire.

i lit a ciggeratte and placed it on the thinnest piece of plastic which was digging into my skin, as i couldnt see it, and had lost the feeling in that finger, one of the young guys had to guide me in how close to put the burning tip of the smoke to my skin.

after thirty seconds i threw the smoke away and gave one last mighty pull on my finger with both arms.

the noises i made would have done a first time mother in labour proud, but finally i was free!

"surely this tale of woe and triumph ends now" you must be thinking, but not quite.

within moments of being free and thanking the neighbours, my phone rang, i had ten minutes to get accross town, i jamp in the lion, and turned the key, eagerly antacipating the roar of the turbo charged engine . . . instead, i was rewarded with a sort of slow chugging and clicking noise.

flat battery.

but after a knock on the same neighbours door, and a push of the car, i was off, ready to answer the call of fate.


by keiran.

(nb 'night runners' are food delivery drivers)

Lmao it sounds like such a stupid and poxy thing to do but it was obviously not so poxy! Lol i actually can't believe i haven't posted about my story! So im going to hijack Keiran's post :)

I am neither a night runner nor a KOR, I am though the youngest of a bunch of warriors looking to end all violence and abuse worldwide. I am one of the warriors, who in three weeks time, will be cycling 174 miles across Hadrian's wall to raise funds for this cause. My training has been going well, almost every night has seen me flying through the country roads come rain or shine.

Wednesday arrived. These mighty warriors were to go to Dunfermline for a book launch - sounds simple and easy enough I hear you say? Our chariot arrived and we all piled out and carried our many boxes and materials to the room where such an event was to take place. The mightiest warrior of all called on the tallest person to put up our ten foot metal promotional banner. Although I am the youngest, I was most definately the tallest of the warriors who had arrived. A smaller warrior offered to help me. The banner was almost up. I hooked it and asked the smaller warrior if he had it at his end, the reply came and as I stepped back, the smaller warrior let go.

There is then a slight blank in my memory as the event which was to unfold, happened in a split second. The first thing I remember is seeing the banner fall with force and speed and then an almighty BANG. Then came a feeling of great nausea. Then came my foot from underneath the banner. Now warriors are strong and mighty people. However, this banner proved stronger and mightier. The other warriors rushed around asking if i was ok but i was at that point unable to talk. Within minutes my foot was badly bruised, exceptionally swollen, and pretty much impossible to walk on. Nevertheless i battled on through a fantastic booklaunch. On our chariot home, many warriors belived i should go to the hospital. However, the only thought going through my mind (apart from the pain and nausea of course) was that if my foot was broken i would not be able to go on our charity cycle. So i battled on through the day and night. However, when morning arrived and my foot was not better, I conceded that i had to go to the hospital. After half an hour, the diagnosis was in. Badly bruised with a small fracture. Treatment, take it easy (warriors do no rest!).

Now, my foot is getting better although if i walk on it for too long it becomes quite painful. And i do not blame this smaller warrior despite the fact this warrior told me it was only a scratch and that i have received no flowers or an apology!!!! However, i believe compensation is in order. I am not a greedy warrior so i believe that this compensation should all be put into our charity cycle. Who out there agrees? THE END

maybe you didnt notice, but this post is called the adventures of KEIRAN

get out lol