I just wanted to say what you all do is amazing. I wish there was somewhere I could go that was like this. I live too far away for you all to help me :'( I am just so alone and have no-one I can talk to. Its good you are helping so many other people like me tho.
♥

Hi there Lexi. That was really nice of you to say what you did. If you want someone to talk to then we can talk to you through phone or email? I don't know how far away you are but we can travel to see people within reason. It would really depend how far away you are. My name is Katy and I work for Eighteen And Under. If you would like to email me or phone and talk to me then please feel free to do so. There are also other workers you could talk to if you would prefer that. You don't have to be alone in whatever is going on for you and I, and Eighteen And Under, would like to be able to help you if this is something you would like. If not then if you let me know what area you stay in I could look up organisations near you that might be able to help. Take good care of yourself. Katy.

Thanks for answering me. I would love for you guys to help me but it just wouldn't work. Maybe email would help... I don't know. I can't even call you. It would cost too much money and I'd be found out. I don't even know what it would cost. See I live in America. I don't even know how I found your site. All I know is it was exactly what I was looking for.... figures that it would be wrong for me tho. That is what always happens in my life. I guess I just have to try to keep facing it alone. Thanks tho.

If you think email would help then maybe you could give it a try? Got to be better than trying to deal with things by yourself? I don't think my boss would be able to pay for me to come to America which is a shame but I can certainly email you if that is what you would like. You decide. Take care, Katy.

Yeah I will think about emailing. Just not sure I can write about any of it but i will think about it. The thought of seeing any of it written down scares the living crap out of me. Makes me feel kinda sick. I wish there was someone i could talk to face to face. But i know ur trying to help. I wish I was strong enough. :(

Anyway ggt. Night time again. That time :'(

Ok. I totally understand how hard it must be to think about talking and writing. If you do decide to write things down and you are worried about seeing it written down then there are a couple of things you could try. Don't think about what you are writing, it helps if you are a fast typer as well! But try and just let the words come out without thinking about what you are actually saying - usually when you do this you end up saying what you really want to anyway. The other thing would be to not read back what you have written - just hit send. And you are probably thinking this is all very easy for me to say and not so easy to do? You'd be right in thinking that but what I can say and know for definate is that it can be done. You can talk in whatever way you want to and you don't haave to be alone. You don't have to start off emailing about the difficult stuff either. It could be about the weather, things you like, what you are doing at school - whatever you want. The decision is totally up to you and the offer for support still stands. Take care. Katy.

Ok thanks I will think about all what you said. Even what I have written already has been kinda hard and I haven't even said anything. I guess it's coz I've never told anything to anyone but now it just feels too much. Things are just getting more difficult and I don't think I can keep going. So I guess I could maybe try.... I guess what you say is right and I can try just talking about other stuff first. I always can talk about school lol. How much I hate it!!! All the preppy girls and then me. I was at another school and had friends and people who liked me for me and then I had to change and now no-one. My dad wants it that way tho... Says we don't need anyone else coz we have each other and that's all we need. He doesn't want me to have friends and that's why he moved me. He says it so my grades are good but they are always good so I know that's not why. It's coz he didn't like me having friends. And now just me and him..... just the way he wants it :(

You are doing really well sharing what you have so far to basically a complete stranger. It takes guts and courage to talk about this so give yourself some credit. It sounds to me like you want out of the situation you are in? It can be done, it is really difficult to do but you can manage it. School doesn't sound like much fun at all but at least your grades are good - it gives you something to focus on. You maybe don't feel like you have said much but I think you have said a great deal. You don't actually have to speak the words about what is happening - it is clear that something is wrong and that you want to do something about it. You are a strong person. Take care. Katy.

Hi Lexi,

Good for you managing to reach out for help. It doesn't matter that we are far away from you, you can still talk to us. Talking is a good starting place when things are difficult. We care about you and are there for you.

Laurie

Hi Katy,
I have been thinking lots about what you said every day but I just haven’t been able to answer you in a long time because it just hasn’t felt safe. My dad has been all up in my business and even when we had off school he has taken off to be with me for company. Yeah right. Even school would have been better. FML.
What you said it's not right. I don't have courage. I'm so scared. You said it sounds like I want out of the situation I'm in but that was not what I was saying. I mean obv yeah I do want out but I was meaning I don't think I can keep going alone anymore. That was what I meant. You said it can be done and I can manage it but that's not an option for me. Not with him. He's made sure of it. I can't ge out for 4 years. I'm stuck. It's not difficult, it's impossible. I'm looking for a way thru. I need to make it 4yrs. But it's got so so hard now. All I am is the bad stuff and the darkness. it's not that I have courage but it's just that I need someone so bad now. It feels like if I can’t talk it will all explode inside me. Too much has built up. I don't understand why.... I should be used to it by now and able to deal with what happens but instead it just gets harder. I don’t get it. I don’t get why that is. I'm so scared of speaking but now it feels like I cant not. Nothing can change what happens but maybe if I can talk to someone I’ll stop feeling like I’m drowning. I hope.
Laurie thanks for what you said. That’s the nicest thing ever. It really does feel like you all care. You all are amazing in what you do.
I will email. I haven’t been able to coz it hasn’t felt safe to come back on here and look for an address. But I will email.
Thanks. ♥

Hi Lexi,

I agree with what katy says about you having courage. I know that you are scared but courage is about being scared and still trying to do something. You are reaching out for help and that is scary and courageous. I do not know how we can help you though this, but we intend to try. We can be there for you by e mail and on this board. if you are able sometime, we could work out the time difference and try out the chat room on here?
No one ever gets used to bad things happening to them and actually it does get harder. When you are younger, you have no choices at all and you just have to cope without trying to work things out. You just find ways of coping. But as you get older, you become aware that bad things do not happen to everyone. You start to question and look for answers and reasons. Often you don't find any.
It is important to reach out and find ways of talking about what is going on. Perhaps, with more people knowing and thinking about the problem, we might find a solution?
Have you any other family? Your dad sounds like he might be worried you might try to break away? Is that why he has isolated you? Is that why he is about more spending time with you?
Don't answer anything you do not want to.
Remember that we care about you.
Take care!

Hi Lexi. It's good to hear from you and I've been wondering how you have been. That's a lot of writing huh? It couldn't have been easy for you but sometimes you find that when you are on the verge of crisis point you have no other option but to try and talk. Things sound pretty bad. I'm not going to say I disagree with what you have said because I know that is how you feel and therefore real to you. But I think you are very strong and brave. I also think that you shouldn't have to put up with another four years of being so unhappy and if you would like to, maybe we could talk over some options? It sounds like your dad is with you a lot of the time and it must be frightening thinking he might find out. But by the sounds of it you seem frightened even without the thought of your dad finding out, so maybe talking to me or whoever you want to is worth the risk? What is happening, (and I don't know much, only what you have said on the board) is wrong and you have a right to be safe and able to talk if you want to, despite what anyone else may say to you. Feeling alone is truly one of the worst feelings in the world but I care about you and want to help in whatever way i can and so do our other workers. I hope you email, even if you think there is nothing that can be done to stop the situation you are in. Even if it is just so that you aren't completely alone. Take care Lexi. Katy.

Thanks for what you both said. You are both so nice. Writing on here makes my head spin but for the 1st time i don't feel so alone. Katy yeah it was a lot of writing but i just did what you said and just typed. I just emptied my head and posted without reading. It made me dizzy an so tired but then i couldn't sleep. Laurie what you said makes sense. Thank you. It has been like I'm drowning and i should be able to be stronger. But now I understand what you are saying..... and I'm glad it's not just me. So thanks.
I copied this into my email so now I have the link to write you. I can hide where I have been online and leave enough still there so he doesn't know there's stuff missing but I still get scared of him coming in and seeing the screen. Email will be safer. Thank you both. And both for caring. It's crazy cuz you all have never even met me. But I do believe you care. I'll write. ♥

Good for you Lexi. You are stronger than you think you are and I'm glad you know we all care about you. Maybe hear from you soon. In case you don't know all our worker's email addresses are attached to our posts. Take care. Katy.

Katy I wrote u a few days ago but maybe I got the email wrong. Can u look and see and tell me? Thanks!!!

Lexi I'm really sorry, I just checked my email there and for some reason it has gone in to my spam folder. I will reply to you by the end of tonight. Take care, Katy.