seems like i thought it was all getting better, even i was starting to like myself more, alot of because of some people helping me, but now im going back i dont see any of these people anymore not much anyway, seems iv went ack to the bad eatting habits and the stupid things :-( tottaly let everyone and myself down, i guess thats why i am being so hard on myself, just never wanted to go back to this way ...

Broken girl shes all alone
her hands as cold as stone
dreams try to take over her mind
but hate for herself is all she can find
in the corner she sits to cry
writing the reasons she should die
wishing it would all go away
but she lives through it everyday

...........

Shes crazy shes out her mind
what level of normalness could she ever find?
who would love this broken child
crazy idiots thats going wild
she hates herself shes to blame
cuts her arms to rid the shame
things get worse because she cant control
in one big circle her life will roll
with all the men she flirts
after each she has to cut
no body can hear the crazy girls crys
everyone believes the crazy girls lies!

i mean being my age, i should be normal by now? clearly theres something wrong haha! x

Hi nb,

Things sound hard? The poems are really good, I guess they are trying to explain alot. Are you having a bad time but do you think it might be shorter than the other times before? Is there a way you could meet up/talk with one of the people that helped you before? Hope it gets better. Wish I could make it ok for you. C x

Hi NeverBelieve,

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Don't be too hard on yourself, its ok to have a relapse but remember, you've gotten through it before and you can again. You are a very strong person and even though you may not always feel that way, i for one know that you are.
Maybe you can try and contact the people who helped you before? Or just drop by on some old friends for a chat? It might help. There are people who love you and those people will know that you don't lie and thhey will hear your cries. Sometimes people can be a bit deaf though so you might need to shout.

I also know that you're not broken and you're never alone.

Take care
Jerri

Oh, P.S. What is "normal" anyway? I don't believe normal is a word that can be used to describe people as everyone is completely different.

If everyone was normal, wouldn't the world be a pretty boring place?

thanks Jerri, comment really cheered me up :-)
im just worried i get back into that pattern and it hurt so much getting out of it last time if it comes back to that how do i get out again :-( anyway it wont i cant let it i guess. i know theres loads of people around me so im not alone but still feel it sometimes, lol ! im not loved but i have friends so thats good enough.

gonna see someone soon that will cheer me up, doesnt need to know aout any of my problems but still have a laugh and cheers me up so lookin forward to that. that will take my mind off everything.

if i was to talk to Laurie id pro have to shout! haha just kidding :P
thanks again Jerri
x

Hi NeverBelieve, sorry things are tough right now. You are very good at expressing how you feel with poetry. I'm glad you are going to see someone soon who will cheer you up. Definitely make use of the people around you who will listen and support you. Feel free to come in here for a chat, too.
Take care -
Steph

its to much to handle i didnt wanna go back!!
now im back to start all over again wish i could put the pain in a bin like paper and set it alight! need my book,:-( just coming on to rant cause i dont have my book and my books the only place i can write safe other then here, sorry.arrrrgggggghhhhhh im annoyed so annoyed with myself with everything feel like such an idiot!!