All of the data that I collected to conduct this study was gathered on...

(This a really long sentence, but I want to know If All or All of is more appropriate here?)


If I just view the route on one moment or day, I would not be able to come up with a just conclusion about it. Thus there is a need to conduct my research over many days.

To track the ridership of the route, I decided to count the riders in the morning when many people are going to work and the most people could be on the bus. Thus, allowing more riders for me to gather information from.

(I am not sure about the use of Thus in these two pairs of sentences.)



As seen on the map, figure three, the bus does make stops at two of the four transfer centers of the Connect Transportation system.

(could this be phrased better?)

All the data sound better me, but you could get away with "All of".

There is an old saying: If your writing reads like writing then rewrite it.

I'm not going to reword your sentence for you (sorry), but here's some advice:


Just say aloud what it is you're trying to say and use those words as the structure for your sentence. You're trying too hard to sound "professional" and it seems you're losing your way a bit. You spotted this yourself, which is why you made the post, I suspect. Just use simple words. (Please don't be offended. Most people do the same.)

You can also cut 'that' in addition to 'of'.
You'll notice, many of these 'thats' are superfluous, and better avoided.