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whats wrong with my writing

At 10: 30 am on 9 11, I was getting ready to leave for classes and decided to watch the news; like I always do. I turned the TV on to CNN. The reporter came on and announced “the first tower was hit”; followed by the video of a plane flying into a building. I thought it probably was some small plane being flown by someone who neglected to pay attention to where he was going and accidentally crashed into a building. I didn’t realize the dept of the story and decided to turn the TV off. and left for school. I took the city bus that day and, surprisingly; through, the whole ride no one had mentioned anything about the attacks. I arrived at school and the campus seemed almost like a ghost town; instead of the usual big crowds just a couple of kids walking here and there
The hallways were empty, quiet and dimly lit some classrooms were empty other had 3 or four students scattered around the room. I thought to myself how weird
Why does everyone look as if they had lost their best friend? I walked into my class and few students were there sitting quietly looking dazed and confused. Still not realizing what the real problem was I sat and waited for class to begin .shortly our professor walked in and said our nation is under attack and class would be cancelled for the rest of the day. Selfishly I thought oh wow I came all the way here to turn back
It was not until I arrived back home and turned on the TV and saw the headlined plastered all over the screen America is under attack by terrorists. I saw relentless video footages of the first and second plane attack on the twin towers and all the kayos and devastation they caused. People were trapped inside the buildings and jumping out windows to their death. On ground outside crowds of people were running scared, some injured and dying. At the point
. It finally grip me that this is really happening I felt cold and numb it was all too surreal. I wondered what kind of sick person would want to senselessly attack innocent citizens causing such pain and tragic lost of innocent lives. Words could not explain why such a tragedy happened

Re: whats wrong with my writing

You need to bring your paper to an Academic Skills Center in which school you are attending. I believe no one here has the time to critique your writing. Your writing is so long. You need to see ASC employees; they are paid to provide this service.