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letter of application

dear sir,
I am writing to apply for one of the positions helping in the confectionery which were advertised in 'Hamshahri newspaper' on april 21st.
i am 16 years old and come from iran.persian is my mother tongue and i have been learning arabic and english for about 4 years in school.at the moment,i am a student in an english istitute,studing for FCE.
i have always been interested in working as a confectioner.as i have already spent 3 summers in different places of the world,i know the countries' tastes and i have been learning the modern cooking methods for different kinds of cookies and others sweets.
i am available for your interview at anytime.i can be contacted by my email:areslammim.
thank you for considering my application.i look forward to hearing from you
yours faithfully
Arsalan Jamshidi

Re: letter of application

Mr. ARES, your post most probably is a cynical, grammatic booby trap, istn't it, my War Lord_!

Re: letter of application

Capitalization is your primary problem. Punctuation and spacing are also problems.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to apply for one of the positions helping in the confectionery which were advertised in the Hamshahri newspaper on April 21st.

I am 16 years old and come from Iran. Persian is my mother tongue, and i have been learning Arabic and English for about 4 years in school. At the moment, I am a student in an English institute, studying for FCE.

I have always been interested in working as a confectioner. As I have already spent 3 summers in different places of the world, I know the countries' tastes and I have been learning the modern cooking methods for different kinds of cookies and others sweets.

I am available for your interview at any time. I can be contacted at my email address: areslammim. Thank you for considering my application. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours Faithfully,
Arsalan Jamshidi

Suggested homework:

Directions: Answer the following questions.

1. What changes to your original message have I made above?

2. How many rules of capitalization can you figure out from these changes?

3. List these rules for us to check for accuracy here.

4. Do the same for punctuation.

5. Do the same for spacing.

Your English seems to be excellent! Congratulations, you must be a very good student.

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Replying to:

dear sir,
I am writing to apply for one of the positions helping in the confectionery which were advertised in 'Hamshahri newspaper' on april 21st.
i am 16 years old and come from iran.persian is my mother tongue and i have been learning arabic and english for about 4 years in school.at the moment,i am a student in an english istitute,studing for FCE.
i have always been interested in working as a confectioner.as i have already spent 3 summers in different places of the world,i know the countries' tastes and i have been learning the modern cooking methods for different kinds of cookies and others sweets.
i am available for your interview at anytime.i can be contacted by my email:areslammim.
thank you for considering my application.i look forward to hearing from you
yours faithfully
Arsalan Jamshidi

Re: Re: letter of application

Chris' reply is excellent. I would have written:


Dear Sir,

I am writing to apply for one of the positions advertised in the Hamshahri newspaper on April 21st helping in the confectionery.

I am 16 years old and come from Iran. Persian is my mother tongue, and I have been learning Arabic and English for about 4 years in school. At the moment, I am a student in an English institute, studying for FCE.

I have always been interested in working as a confectioner. As I have already spent 3 summers in different places of the world, I know the countries' tastes, and I have been learning the modern cooking methods for different kinds of cookies and others sweets.

I am available for your interview at any time. I can be contacted at my email address: areslammim. Thank you for considering my application. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours Faithfully,
Arsalan Jamshidi

Re: Re: Re: letter of application

GM's post is also excellent. Some rules and comments from me:
Rule #1: Punctuating salutations
In UK English:
Use a comma following the salutation.
In US English:
Use and a colon in formal contexts (Dear Sir: .....)
Use a comma in informal contexts (Dear Sweetie, ...)

Rule #2: Omit unnecessary words
When GM deleted the words "which was", he (she?) was not correcting your grammar, but rather your style. In modern English the world over, the general style rule has been tending towards omitting anything not absolutely necessary.

This is usually (but not always) good advice, as many writers tend to be too wordy. You are writing a business letter here, not Moby Dick, so I would second the advice in this case.

Extra words may be helpful, however, in English used for communication with non-native speakers. Who are you sending this to?

Rule #3 Always capitalize the word "I"

In the past, only venerable poets, such as e.e. Cummings, have been able to break this rule without creating an air of laziness and ignorance.

Much to the disgust of language purists, a pronounced tendency to ignore this rule has been noted in chat rooms, phone texting, instant messaging, and the like. This is not that bad with your pals, but it tends to create bad habits.

I advise never breaking this rule, except possibly a text message saying "help i am on fire."