I think it's time I come clean, or at least say/type what's going on.
As for the facts - I am a teenage girl; I've been diagnosed with ADHD, bipolar disorder, major depression, dysthymia, and borderline personality disorder. Obviously the bipolar, depression and dysthymia are contradictive, but I have been diagnosed with each once and have yet to reach a conclusive diagnoses for my depressive symptoms.
I have been on drugs such as Xanax for depression, with negative effects; drugs such as seroquil(sp?) for bipolar disorder, with no effect, and I am currently on Adderall for my ADHD with beneficial results. I am currently seeing only a Psychiatrist, who is not addressing my BPD, and I have never seeked any BPD-specific treatment.
I have been hospitalized in an acute mental health care center twice, the first time (7 months ago) for suicidal thoughts, self-injury, and substance abuse; the second time (4 months ago) for a suicide attempt, substance abuse, and self-injury.
I have struggled with impulsive, addictive behaviors such as bulimia, alcohol abuse, Rx med abuse, SI, and impulsive sex. I haven't had any real issues with Rx med abuse bulimia for about 6 months, and I've had my SI and sex issues tamed for about 4.
As for my feelings - I found my first love in the my second mental hospital visit (oh boy). Luckily, he isn't as nuts as I am and only suffers from mild depression. We are extremely close (for better or for worse...) and have been very happy, so far. As I begin to see the validity of my BPD diagnosis, I also begin to see the subtle effects of my issues and behavior on him, and our relationship. He knows I have been diagnosed, but he does not know that I have come to terms with the fact that I have BPD, and he does not believe I have BPD because I have not told him I believe so. I am terrfied of him leaving me, I do not deal with physical seperation nearly as easily as I should, I demand a majority of his off-work time, and I expect to be his top priority, 24/7. I truly love him and hate to think of him hurting or resenting me as much as I see some nonBPs in message boards say they do. I need advice as to how to help him, our relationship, and most importantly MYSELF heal.
Thanks for listening.