This is one of the best postings yet by Ted! All the charts in the world won't magically put more money in my pocket nor convince me that I don't need a meter increase to keep up with the rest of the hard-working people.
Let's quit worrying so much what Ms. Reyes thinks and start to influence the Alderman to approve a fair meter increase and then let's really do the "work" we should have already done: a complete reform of the rules and regulations for cabdrivers...WARNINGS before fines and punishents. No charges which a cabdriver has no ability to rebut. (He said/she said situations.) Let's get cameras in the cab to deter not just cabdriver-killers like Michael L. Jackson, who murdered Haroon Paryani, but also get the drunks to behave and the crooked/abusive cops to think twice about being recorded. I don't see the City trying to withold cost of living increase to all the fine police officers just cause a few bad apples were caught on tape, so why should the majority, hard-working cabdrivers be denied a fair fare increase cause of our few bad apples. The City's position needs severe reconsideration, but I believe that the Committee vote will eventually be for a sizable increase.
-MIKE FOULKS
If this is the mind of a "cabbie leader," we are all in trouble!
Other than the first point about electing new political leaders, the rest of this is pointless nonsense.
"So, the commissioner knows what she can do with her charts." I hope she doesn't read this because I don't think insulting her for no reason is going to help our cause any. The aldermen said it themselves, they don't know too much about the cab industry (and probably don't care much either). This means they have and will continue to rely heavily on the Commissioner's opinion. Let's not sour that with immature schoolyard insults.
"When the politicians want a raise, they give themselves one with no strings attached. When cab drivers want a raise, the city applies conditions and increases the fines. Cab drivers shouldn't have any conditions." Of course they do! This is what happens when you achieve a position of power. Let me be the first to welcome you to the real world.
"The city hates cab drivers, but they love to steal their money." This sounds very similar to the generalization: "all cabdrivers are mean." We don't like unfair stereotypes - so maybe we shouldn't be hypocrites?
Money is tight everywhere. The Commissioner and her inspectors have a job to do, and if it was you in that position, I'm fairly confident you'd do the same thing. If it meant your job, would you let a cabdriver go with a warning instead of writing a ticket? Really ask yourself that question before you continue to attack others.
"IF THE CITY WOULD ONLY STOP TAKING OUR MONEY BY MAKING THEM PAY FOR FINES, THEN THE MONEY WOULD STAY IN THEIR POCKETS AND THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE FIGHTING THE CITY FOR A FARE INCREASE." See above comments and add this: is every ticket written unnecessary? Out of all the tickets given to cabdrivers, how many do you think are warranted and how many aren't? Which offenses do you think should not be ticketed?
"ELIMINATE THE KANGAROO COURT: THE KANGAROO COURT IS LOCATED AT 400 WEST SUPERIOR STREET; WHERE CAB DRIVERS ARE GUILTY BEFORE PROVING INOCENT, INSTEAD OF INOCENT TILL PROVEN GUILTY. IT'S A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN GET IN FOR FREE, BUT YOU PAY TO GET OUT." Again, welcome to the real world. This is not exclusive to drivers. The justice system in this country is based on who can afford the best lawyer. It's why we can't contest tickets but celebrities always seem to avoid jail time for serious crimes. Hell, how many celebrities have killed people and gotten off? If you have the money, you have justice.
"THE CITY OF CHICAGO'S CHAUFEURS RULES AND REGULATIONS, DON'T WORK IN THE FAVOR OF THE CAB DRIVERS BEST INTEREST. THE RULES AND REGULATIONS ARE AGAINST THE CAB DRIVERS" Not all of them should. Not all rules are meant to be in your favor, but we still have them, so deal with them.
"WHEN A CAB DRIVER DOESN'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THE PASSENGER, THE DRIVER CANNOT TELL THE PASSENGER TO GET OUT, OR COLLECT UP FRONT TO GUARANTEE THEIR MONEY, OR ELSE! WHEN A PASSENGER RUNS AWAY FROM THE DRIVER WITHOUT PAYING, THE CITY DON'T CARE IF THE DRIVER LOSES MONEY. THE CITY IS IN FAVOR OF CAB DRIVERS GIVING PEOPLE FREE RIDES." This is just ridiculous. This would open the door to countless claims of discrimination and stealing on our parts. You know the kind of justice we get at 400 W. Superior. Do you really want to make it worse with this proposal.
"IF THE CITY OF CHICAGO SUPPORTS DONATING TO CHILDRENS CHARITIES, THEN WHY DOES THE CITY STEAL FOOD FROM A CAB DRIVERS TABLE IN FRONT OF THEIR CHILDREN? THE CITY HAS NO SHAME!" The city has never stole food from my children's table because I won't let them, and you shouldn't either.
"THE CITY OF CHICAGO SENDS DRIVERS TO EIGHT HOUR CLASSES FOR TRAFFIC VIOLATIONS..." Simple solution: DON'T COMMIT VIOLATION.
"So, this tells you that the City of Chicago's Department of Consumer Services don't care wheter the cab drivers are dead or alive!" There's really only one way to find out if this point is truth or not, and that's for every cabdriver in this city to stop working, and we all know that will never happen.
After attending the Transportation Committee meeting, I've given a lot of thought to the problems we cabdrivers face. This is what I've came up with:
1. Get it out of your head the idea of a "grand driver organization." It will never happen. There are too many different opinions and ethnic groups to truly organize. Our so-called "leaders" spend more time bickering on this forum than they do leading drivers, so what's the point anyway? Driver organizations never really did anything in the past and they certainly don't do anything now.
2. Instead of waiting for the City Council, or the Commissioner, or some driver organization to help you, HELP YOURSELF. Be your own leader and your own organization. Change in this industry will never come from some big group. It will only come on the individual level. We have to worry only about those things we can control.
So how do we do this as individuals? I can only tell you what I do to improve my organization. Maybe you agree, maybe you don't.
-Become an owner. Now I know this is getting harder and harder to do with medallion prices increasing, but it can still be done. Maybe you need to get together with two or three trusted friends and start a business partnership, but it can be done. This is simple economics. It is better to own than to rent.
-Use your time wisely. While you are sitting at O'Hare waiting, how many fares could you have picked up? They might not be "big money" fares, but we need to get away from the idea that our money comes from the meter. Five short fares, to me, are better than one airport trip. It's four more chances for tips. This leads me to my next point.
-Tips: We are in the SERVICE INDUSTRY! Our money should come from tips. My nephew is a bartender. He makes $3.50 an hour. Does he complain to City Council about making below minimum wage? No, because his money comes from tips, just as waiters and waitresses make their money from tips. We CAN'T control how much the meter says. We CAN control how much we are tipped. I support my family on tips. This is how I do it: I keep my cab spotless, inside and out. I keep it fresh smelling, not overpowered by pine tree smell or something else. My cab smells like fresh laundry and my passengers love it. I keep myself clean, well-groomed and dressed like a PROFESSIONAL. I've heard cabdrivers complain about how they are treated and I've had trouble listening to them while I'm staring at the food stains on their t-shirts. If you want to be treated like a professional, act like one and dress like one. My wife presses my black pants and white shirt before I work every morning. She also makes sure my tie is straight. I look like a professional when I get behind the wheel and you know what - my passengers treat me like a professional.
-Still on the above point. I try to make my passenger's experience as pleasant as possible. I've found that most passengers get into a cab expecting something negative and when you show them the opposite, they respond well. I can't tell you how many passengers have told me something to the effect of: "You're not like the other cabbies," or "I wish more drivers were like you." It's not that I'm special, it's that I do my best to serve my customers. I open doors, help with bags, supply reading materials. I do these things because I believe it is my profession and my tips justify my work.
-Be smart with your money. I can't afford to eat at restaurants while I'm working. My wife makes me a small lunch everyday. Nothing that will produce possibly offensive odors, but a nice lunch nevertheless. We have found that we save a lot of money by doing this, instead of me stopping at restaurants or food trucks.
-Don't get tickets. Now I know this is difficult to do, but a lot of the tickets we get can be avoided. A lot of these tickets come from the pressures we put on ourselves. By doing the things I've mentioned, I've found that I don't have to worry about many of the violations I've heard others complain about. The only tickets we get that, in my opinion, is not fair is the fly tickets we get for picking up passengers, and even there, if we didn't block traffic, we wouldn't be targeted as much. But I know this is a tough one.
Basically, these few points I've mentioned have helped me be my own organization and my own leader. Most importantly, they've helped me keep my profession and still make time for what is really important - my family. I heard a driver at the hearing talk about how he has no time to spend with his wife and kids and it saddened me. But I think that if this driver, or any driver, would become the leaders of themselves, they would find, as I have, that the time is there.
AMEN, Faarax J.
You know, the "professional" thing (Be a pro and get paid to be one!) is indeed on the shoulders of the driver.
But perhaps many of the alleged violations and bogus tickets are a result of the training program.
It may be that the basic "Cabbie U" that the C-of-C graciously provides is just not good enough to produce a certified professional chauffeur.
I understand the extreme training program is London’s.
It takes several years of intense training, learning and experiencing the job before one is certified professional.
People who become taxicab drivers in Chicago may not need that much training and development, but acting like a professional taxicab driver is just as much a toolset of “learned behaviors” as is the toolset of an MBA or a tool-and-die-maker (if there are any left. I hear tool and die making is mostly automated now – robot operations!
Somewhere, someone is testing robot cabs. Don’t take my word, Google “robot cabs” and see for yourself!
Be a pro and get paid to be one! Be a pro to help prevent being replaced by a robot!
Best idea yet. You can run it on an old Mac 512K (original Apple PC model) for about fifty cents a day. Compare that to the current City budget!.
They already got robots for that.
K wrap! I'm an effin' robot too! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm house broken, but am I a properly trained taxicab professional?
Click. Clickity-clickity clack. Buzzzzz. Hummmmm.
Ancient metaphysical concept: If you don't have a wife, you will have to cook your own dinner.
Hey don't get all over me for supporting Faarax J's post. I call 'em like I see 'em. And Faarax J is CORRECTO-MUNDO.
I tink da idear was to eat healthy, stay away from junk food, junk snacks, junk soda pop, junk period end of story. OH (expletive [referring to eternal hot place fires confinement] deleteted) SANDWICH MAKING TEMPTATION, THY NAME IS WOMAN!
The Benefit? You save money and feel better by taking Faarax J's gastronomic advice.
Mr. Faraax,
Ted Budzynski, who I know well, like George Kasp, isn't trying to be a "cabbie leader", and, apparently, neither are you.
You do give good advice to cabdrivers on how to improve themselves by dressing nicer and such, but your advice to "Get it out of your head the idea of a 'grand driver organization'" because "there are too many different opinions and ethnic groups to truly organize" is a self-defeating prophecy. There are dozens of independent cabdrivers organizing cabdrivers RIGHT NOW. I suggest you read the November issue of the Chicago Dispatcher from cover to cover.
What type of leadership would you support and what would you expect them to do for you?
Are you a registered voter?
We cabdrivers can control this industry completely because the taxicabs cannot drive themselves. This means that we can change it as a group.
How do you think this "industry" should change? (Or, what changes would be good?)
It is not better to own if the outlook on the business is not good. It is not good to buy if the market price is artificially inflated.
Most cabdrivers do not even go to either airport even once a week; you are talking to a minority of cabdrivers.
If your nephew the bartender's take-home income falls below what he needs to make a living, yes, he will complain to his politicians who, through taxation, determine where and how over 50% of our gross national product is redistributed.
Don't be so proud of your excellent service to think that the majority of cabdrivers do not meet the minimum standards.
Faraax, you need to be realistic:
When gas goes up to $3.75, $4.25, do you think that "tipping" based on the current meter rate will mean you will be taking home the same money to your wife, or that more of your gross income will be going to the gas station? How clean will your cab have to be then?
Here's the question: When can cabdrivers expect a meter increase, and how do we go about ensuring that we get one in a just and timely manner?
If you have no answer, you ignoring your own advice to "stop waiting for the City Council, Commissioner, etc.".
I believe that you are an owner, and therefore you have more control over your situation (which is a good thing), but were you not once a lease driver? Were conditions this bad when you started driving? Should they be this bad for drivers who are starting now?
The City has taken money from your children by not properly adjusting the meter rate to reflect the dramaticly increased cost of gasoline. You are an irresponsible "professional" and father not to encourage other cabdrivers to organize (in a group) to effect this need for economic and social justice. You are making a lot less than two years ago, aren't you?
The customers in our cabs are all demanding and getting raises to reflect the dramatic increase in the costs of living.
Quit inhaling the fumes from your cleaning products and wake up. Lead, follow, or get out of the way. I hope you pick number one or number two.
-MIKE FOULKS
P.S. Any "bickering" this might create between us is called a 'public dialogue'. I respect you tremendously for posting your opinions and I hope we have an honest exchange of our feelings to forge a common understanding of the problems and solutions.
Hey Mike,
If you look to the bottom of Mr. Faraax letter, you'll see the initials wjw. What does that tell you? It tells me that was Wolfgang J. Weiss. Don't let Mr. Faraax fool you. Have you ever met Mr. Faraax? Nobody has.
I'll talk to you later on this.
Ted
I wonder what's the next made up name Mr. Faraax will use next?
"Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
You step out of line, the man come and take you away..."
I hereby deny that I am Faarax J. And I'm sure he denies he is me.
Both of our wives and all of our children deny we are each other.
The only conspiracy that may exist is that we both deny that we are each other.
If we are each other, we didn't even know it!!
To Whom It May Concern: By the way ("BTW" in texting lingo) this is not a letter, this is a "posting" to a blog.
The whole song and nothin' but the song:
FOR WHAT ITS WORTH
There's something happening here
What it is ain't exactly clear
There's a man with a gun over there
Telling me I got to beware
I think it's time we stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
There's battle lines being drawn
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong
Young people speaking their minds
Getting so much resistance from behind
I think it's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
What a field-day for the heat
A thousand people in the street
Singing songs and carrying signs
Mostly say, hooray for our side
It's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
You step out of line, the man come and take you away
We better stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, now, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
(ARTIST: Buffalo Springfield)
First let me address Mr. Budzynski's post.
"If you look to the bottom of Mr. Faraax letter, you'll see the initials wjw. What does that tell you? It tells me that was Wolfgang J. Weiss. Don't let Mr. Faraax fool you. Have you ever met Mr. Faraax? Nobody has."
You saw the initials attached to Mr. Wolfgang's response to my original post, not my post. I suggest you pay better attention next time. As for meeting me, I have two jobs, five kids, a wife and a few close friends. I don't get much time to hang around and socialize. So, let me assure you, Mr. Budzynski, I am very much a real person and my name was given to me by my parents, so please don't assume I'm not real just because you haven't met me. Unless you know every cabdriver in the City of Chicago? Do you know every cabdriver in the Chicago?
Now, on to this Mr. Foulks.
If you would have read my post, you would know that I am a cabbie leader. I lead myself, and my point was that we can all be cabbie leaders if we lead ourselves first. Before entertaining any organizational ideas, let's do some in-house cleaning first.
"There are dozens of independent cabdrivers organizing cabdrivers RIGHT NOW." So what! Not too long ago, I read about the new CPTDA and how they were going to organize cabdrivers. What happened to that? Then I read about this Ms. Callahan and her elections for a new organization. What happened to that? Now I'm sure your going to tell me how you and your friends are starting another cabbie organization and again, I will ask you what will happen with that? It's nice to form little clubs and meet at clubhouses, but if you think you're going to start a cabdriver union, you are sadly mistaken. But please, do feel free to try to prove me wrong and I will be the first to congratulate you and apologize for my misgivings.
"What type of leadership would you support and what would you expect them to do for you?" I'm pretty sure I answered this question in my post, but since you must have missed it, I'll say it again. I support a driver who leads his or her self. I don't expect them to do anything for me, nor do I want them to. This is exactly what I am talking about. You must get away from this notion that someone is going to do something for you. NO ONE WILL HELP YOU, YOU MUST HELP YOURSELF. Self-reliance is what I'm stressing here. If you grew up in my village, you would know just how important self-reliance can be. Many a schoolmate of mine learned the hard way what can happen when you stop depending on yourself and start depending on others. The outcome of their decisions is something I hope you never have to witness.
"Are you a registered voter?" Yes. It's one of the reasons why I came to this country in the first place.
"How do you think this "industry" should change?" Some of these questions make me wonder if you actually read what I wrote. I think the first change that must happen is in drivers. We need to act like professionals. Why do you think we have not gotten much support for a fare increase, both from the government, the public, even our fellow drivers? Is it because they are out to get us? Because they're evil monsters set on destroying cabdrivers for their own personal gain? Why do you think the public has such a negative opinion of us? Is it always unwarranted?
"It is not better to own if the outlook on the business is not good. It is not good to buy if the market price is artificially inflated." Are you in this business for the long run or is this just a job until you find another one? If the answer is yes to the second part, continue to lease. But if you said yes to the first part, it is better to own.
"Most cabdrivers do not even go to either airport even once a week; you are talking to a minority of cabdrivers." Agree to disagree I guess. I know of plenty of drivers who exclusively work the airports.
My point with my nephew who is a bartender is that he, unlike many in this business, understands the service nature of his business. All I'm trying to say here is that we can make just as much money as any other service-industry provider.
"Don't be so proud of your excellent service to think that the majority of cabdrivers do not meet the minimum standards." No, Mr. Foulks, I will be proud of my excellent service. I work long and hard to provide it. Meeting the minimum standard isn't enough. This is exactly my point. Which is better: meeting the minimum standard and complaining about how you need help, or surpassing the minimum standard and helping yourself?
To answer your question about a meter increase and when it will come, I have no answer and to be honest, I don't care. I don't waste my time complaining and begging for a meter increase. While I think it would be nice to have one, and I disagree with the red-tape we must cut to get one, I can't worry about those things I have no control over. I think that the meter rate could stay the same and I would continue to make money by being a PROFESSIONAL and conducting myself and my business as such.
Regarding drivers starting out now, I think Mr. Wolf said it best in his post about training.
"The City has taken money from your children by not properly adjusting the meter rate to reflect the dramaticly increased cost of gasoline." No, the city has not taken any money from my children because I won't let them. I will pay my share to the government like any other citizen, but that's it. How are they taking money again? By not adjusting the meter rate to reflect gasoline? Maybe the problem is that we have not given them a reason to adjust it? Oh and by the way, I am not making a lot less than two years ago, although I find it amusing that you claim to know my finances. Is my checkbook balanced? Can I afford that new TV? I ask you since you have announced yourself as my accountant.
"You are an irresponsible "professional" and father not to encourage other cabdrivers to organize (in a group) to effect this need for economic and social justice."
Let me stop you right here, Mr. Foulks. I don't know you anymore than you know me. While I have no problem exchanging ideas with you and listening to your criticism of me and my points, here is where I draw the line. Let me make this perfectly clear: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE ASSUME THAT I AM AN IRRESPONSIBLE FATHER BECAUSE I DON'T SUPPORT YOUR BULL**** ORGANIZATION. I TAKE GREAT OFFENSE TO THIS. I HAVE WORKED LONG AND HARD TO SUPPORT MY WIFE AND MY CHILDREN. I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO BUY THEM EXPENSIVE GIFTS, BUT EACH ONE OF MY KIDS KNOWS THEY HAVE A FATHER WHO LOVES THEM DEARLY AND WILL DO ANYTHING FOR THEM. HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY PARENTING!!! YOU CLEARLY DON'T HAVE CHILDREN YOURSELF OR ELSE YOU WOULDN'T SHOOT YOUR MOUTH IN SUCH A MANNER. I SUGGEST ANY FURTHER COMMUNICATION WE MAY HAVE IS DONE SO WITHOUT YOU MAKING ANY FURTHER INSULTS.
"Quit inhaling the fumes from your cleaning products and wake up. Lead, follow, or get out of the way. I hope you pick number one or number two."
I'll ignore your poor attempt at humor and address this point directly. Do you really think you are leading anyone with your generic sports saying? "Lead, follow, or get out of the way." Don't make me laugh! Who do you think you're leading? Where were all your followers? Were they at the hearing with you cheering you on when you testified, threatening aldermen with electoral power you don't have? (great bargaining tool by the way: "Give us a fare increase or we'll vote you out of office!" That made me laugh. Do you think you could pull that off, because if so it is you who needs to be realistic.) Were your followers outside, circling City Hall in their cabs? No they weren't there either. In fact, few cabdrivers actually attended. I counted 20 or so. What an impressive show of force!
The truth of the matter is that you can't lead cabdrivers any more than I can lead cabdrivers. The only driver you can lead is yourself. Start there first.
Faarax J. (so no one thinks it's someone else)
Mr. Faraax,
I am not starting a "club" or a "union" or a "bull****" organization. I am, out of a sense of fairness, prudently waiting for the Chicago Dispatcher to publicize what I think is an important next step for those who care to do something about the City's indifference. Please read this next issue carefully. I will use, and encourage others to start using, this Cabmarket.com site for some public discourse, but, to effectively communicate with others, many leaders using many different media will be needed. Perhaps you will reconsider your self-limiting philosophy of not interacting with other cabdrivers to the extent of working together to have more power, and become more than an "Army of One" and join a unit in some way. You are correct in your analysis of previous failures, but you are wrong to conclude that all current and future efforts are futile.
I did not intend to insult you or offend you; you're post is so complex that I cannot justify addressing each and every point.
I am glad that you are a registered voter. Did you know that most people think that almost all cabdrivers are not even eligible to vote? (And that those who are, don't?) This is one reason why politicians are not more proactive with our needs. Where do you live (what Ward) and who represents you (which Alderman)? Did you vote for them or somebody else? Have you communicated to them anything about this business?
You do have control over a fare increase, you just stated that you don't want to 'waste the time' to 'cut through the red-tape' to get one. If you or I spend a few hours each week or month, or a few days each year to assist or influence the politicians in making the right decisions, and that results in an increase in our incomes, isn't that like paying ourselves for our services or time?
I know for a indisputable fact that you are paying hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars more each month for gasoline, and that the general cost of living has gone up significantly. You are being paid the same rate legally allowed for your service as a cabdriver, tips included. Mr. Faraax, however much you are making now will be continually eroded by a gas price that is expected to climb, unless the politicians are given a consequence for ignoring us. Despite your sensitivities about your wife and child, I must insist that your loved ones are directly affected by just how much you are taking home. There is nothing amusing about that. If pointing this fact out angers you, look deeply into the mirror before you decide to lash out or blame me for your failure to do everything that can be done to change this situation. My house, my conscience, and my cab are all sufficiently clean.
I believe I can lead cabdrivers better than you (simply because I am trying), but to reflect your sentiments about how you will congratulate me if I am successful, let me say that I wish that you could lead cabdrivers better than me. Even better, I wish that you and I could lead cabdrivers together. It's obvious to me that you are a professional, caring cabdriver. Most of us are.
I am going to ignore your comments about leasing vs. owning, not necessarily because I agree or disagree with you, but because the price and problem of gasoline is the same in both cases. Leasing vs. owning is a much less important discussion right now.
The truth is, I have experienced the satifaction of removing a prominent politician from office, by doing a lot more than just casting my lone vote. We cabdrivers have that same collective ability. I have been publicly elected to a ward committeman post for, and have been employed by, the Democrats. I have met with politicians of every stripe and I have a good idea of what makes them tic. What would you pledge to do to support an Alderman who supports a fare increase (besides making sure you wait in the line to get your meter adjusted)?
I intend to drive a cab for many, many years to come. I don't have children of my own (that I know of), but I would be an irresponsible elder cousin to instruct my baby cousins to simply rely on themselves and not work together with others to meet common goals, like ensuring the health of their chosen profession.
Lead, follow, or get out of the way.
We can unite, we must unite, we will unite.
You can't stop us.
-MIKE FOULKS
If Faarax J is "irresponsible" then we all are.
Right on brother Faarax.
I know you know the difference between "discourse" and what happens on this blog.
Cheeses! Give a guy a keyboard and an internet hook-up and what happens? Some just run hog wild AND BLOG BEFORE THEY THINK. (OK, me too.)
Before "http//www.something dot com," we used to refer to such "discourse" as "Diarrhea of the mouth...."
Don't take Ted to heart.
And don't give credence to male bovine species feces found in profusion herein.
Bless you and your family, sir.
